Ordinary Magic
We are all magicians–if we make the effort in conversations.
Magic is a strange art form.
If you stop to think about it, the magician is the only one in the room who does not experience the magic.
Uncle Frankie was a magician. As kids, my cousins and I were in awe by the stuff he has up his sleeves.
I was constantly trying to outsmart him and burst his bubble. But here's what I discovered later in my life: Even if I figured out his "trick," I could not perform the magic the way he did it.
Information is not transformation. Knowing is not enough.
And when we bring magic to others, we get to experience a different kind of magic: The magic of witnessing someone experience a sudden moment of transformation.
Conversational Magic
Conversations are like magic.
It's bizarre. The air pressures leaving your mouth, converting into sounds and meaning enters the heart and mind of the other, and for better or worse, creates an impact.
All of us are magicians, really. We have the power to do what my Uncle Frankie does.
But first, we must be intentional. Then we can find a way.
The relational craft is to learn the praxis of languaging our intent. Wanna see where our intention gets lost in our blunt art of conversation? Just listen to parents talk to their kids. The effect is often not what we intended.
To Be Altered
And, perhaps more importantly, we have to let the words of the other alter us.
"Instead of telling actors that they must be good listeners (which is confusing),” says renowned improv teacher, Keith Johnstone, "We should say, ‘Be altered by what’s said.’"
We have to learn to ask and hear the needs of others, and let that reconfigure our point of reference.
Theologian John S. Dunne describes empathy as “passing over,” where we enter into the thoughts, feelings and imaginations of the other.
Passing over is never total but is always partial and incomplete. And there is an equal and opposite process of coming back to oneself.
In short, something beautiful is created when we are willing to be altered as we gracefully leave ourselves, to "pass over" and put our attention to the experience of the other.
That’s magic.
Related:
I've always felt weird when a client tells me they had my voice in their head telling them what to do or how to handle a situation they've come to me for help with.... I won't feel weird in future 😁